This ideas from a book Called How to Win Friends and influence people. that changed thousands and thousands of life. Including one of my favorite billionaire Mr warren buffett. He says the best 1000 dollars. he has spent in life back in 1940. For a course by Dele Carnegie (author of How to win friends and influence people) on public speaking and how to win friends and influence people . this book is for reaching consequence in life.
The scientist those who do very advance research on how brain works. They are telling. most about human brain actively on social life . Thinking how other people feel about them and how you feel about them. Determining how to get them into your group. Determining who likes you or who does not like you. Who is your friend or who is your enemy. .
At the end of the day if you know how to win friends and influence people. So you are triggering the best part of your brain and your life
How to Win Friends and influence people had a tremendous positive impact on my life when I was younger. I was filled with a lot of social anxiety and was extremely uncomfortable interacting with people outside of my immediate social circle – and sometimes even uncomfortable interacting within that circle. Over a period of about a year, I used the ideas in this book to become substantially more outgoing, even to the point of being able to speak in front of a room of people and effectively carry on positive conversations with potential colleagues. I can’t even possibly guess how useful the content of this book has been to me over the last five years.
Discovering How to Win Friends and Influence People
BIG IDEA #1. DO NOT CONDEMN OTHERS OR COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM
The first thing you need to learn if you want to be a master of the social arts is that no one likes a complainer. No one likes a gossiper. No one likes someone who is constantly putting negative energy into the world.
If someone hears you speaking poorly about someone else, they will assume that you are going to speak poorly about them as well. And then, therefore, they will not trust you.
Ask to you : When you interact with other people, what percentage of the time are you able to maintain a positive attitude? Do you often complain or gossip?
BIG IDEA #2. SHOW GENUINE INTEREST IN OTHER PEOPLE
If you want to be a social jedi, you need to actively show that you’re interested in them.
Pick a specific person you interact with frequently. List 3 realistic actions you can take in order to better express your interest in them.
Well I’ll start with my wife. I know she already knows I love her but I could improve upon this, and therefore practice, by remembering to tell her that I love her every day before I leave for work. Sometimes, sadly, I forget…
BIG IDEA #3. TAKE OTHER PEOPLE’S INTERESTS INTO CONSIDERATION
When speaking to someone, a really good way to show interest, and to take conscious consideration for their interests is to ask a lot of questions.
Think of the person you like the most in your life. Write down three ways in which they are different than you.
This should get you thinking about why writing someone of based upon a first impression of their interests, is NOT a good idea
“ Dig down deeply into what they are saying. Really imagine yourself as someone who is really excited about what they’re excited about. Feel their pain. Empathize with their happiness.Getting on the same level as someone, even if you’re not immediately “interested” in their specializations,
will have massively positive implications on your life. ”
BIG IDEA #4. BE A GOOD LISTENER
People like people who are smart, yes, but people like people who are good listeners even more. During a conversation, remember—you already know what
you know. Talking and talking will not improve your situation unless you’respecifically asked to articulate something.
How often do you listen to other people without waiting for your turn to speak? List three strategies you could employ to improve.
Instead, go ahead and take the time to really listen to someone. Think of it this way—the other person should be doing 80% of the talking.
BIG IDEA #5. AVOID ARGUMENTS
Arguments are useless.
Ultimately all communication is an attempt at coming to some agreement. I have my point of view. You have your point of view. We talk until we can come to some understanding, to some agreement.
Arguments, then, are nothing more than intense disagreements, where the two parties start very far away from each other. Though eventually—all healthy relationships eventually come to a compromise.
What’s the last big argument that you had? What was your side? What wastheirs? What was the eventual compromise?
So instead of starting heated, why not instead immediately think from the other person’s perspective right off the bat?
BIG IDEA #6. ADMIT MISTAKES IMMEDIATELY
The longer you avoid confrontation the more diffcult the confrontation is at the end.
What is the last big mistake youmade? Have you admitted to it yet? If not do it today
Because of this, it’s very important that when you make a mistake, you take a long-haul approach to dealing with the fallout.
So you made a mistake. Ok.So what? Everyone makes mistakes.The only way to make the mistake even bigger is to try and hide it,or worse, lie about it.
The sooner you swallow your pride, the sooner your family/coworkers/boss can forgive you, find a solution, and move on. Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.
BIG IDEA #7. POINT OUT PEOPLE’S MISTAKES INDIRECTLY
If you are in a position of power, whether that is in a familial situation, or at work—never use public shaming as a way to point out someone’s mistake.
Imagine someone did something wrong, or use a real example from your life right now, what would your immediate reaction be? How would you deal with a situation when you’re angry
Instead, go to a private location and calmly let them know that you appreciate their effort but there is more work to be done.
If you use someone else’s difficulties to prop up your own power, it says much more about you than it says about them or your team. If you want to get everyone on your side—you will NEVER point out people’s mistakes publically.
BIG IDEA #8. SHARE YOUR OWN MISTAKES BEFORE CRITICIZING OTHERS.
Humility is power. Remember that.
What’s the biggest mistake of your life?
A confident person need not make grand gestures or show their authority with great aplomb. In fact, one of the most useful tools we have is to show empathy when someone else is down.
If someone makes a mistake—start the conversation by telling them exactly how you made the same mistake before. And better how you learned from it. Rather than showing of, use mistakes as teaching moments. This is true leadership.
BIG IDEA #9. RECOGNIZE EVERY EFFORT TO IMPROVE
Much of the self-development literature speaks to the importance of “small wins” or “self-nudges” or “mini habits”, but they are all referencing the same idea: namely, that it’s usually difficult to embrace enormous changes in our lives.
Tomorrow at work: Give someone a genuine compliment. It doesn’t have to be something big—but do it any-ways.
Therefore, the most effective way to make a lasting change is via tiny incremental improvements over time.
In this way, when working with other people—remember to give them credit even for small accomplishments along the way. If you do this, people will reward you with appreciation and kindness.
BIG IDEA #10. GIVE PEOPLE A REPUTATION TO LIVE UP TO
People will do almost anything to stay consistent with their reputation. This can work both in a positive or negative way,
Think of a person that is frustrating you right now. What are they doing that particularly annoys you? How can you give them a reputation to combat their bad behavior?
As an example: if your son or daughter is having a Difficult time eating vegetables, you can tell them that You especially love the fact that they love to always try new foods and that they’re a good example to their friends—as a healthy eater.
“ One thing to note about How to Win Friends and Influence People is that this is not a manifesto for manipulation. The idea here is not to use tools in order to get what you want—instead, this book is primarily focused on switching your mindset from “me” focused to “them” focused ”
In other words, you don’t want to fake interest in other people in order to get them to like you—you want to actually BE interested in others. And how do you do this? By asking them questions. By honestly listening. By acknowledging the beauty in other people’s different perspectives, and then knowing that by having interest, you’ll be able to learn a lot via any conversation you have.
Buy or Don’t Buy
If you’re introverted like I am and sometimes have difficulty communicating with other people or carrying on conversations, buy How to Win Friends and Influence People now, not later. Spend some time practicing every single one of the tips. You’ll soon find yourself actually conversing with people instead of being nervous or uncomfortable, simply because you have several good ideas on how to start and how to keep it going. Don’t worry about it being dated; the fundamentals of human interaction are timeless and the reason this book has been in print for seventy years is because it works. It worked for me, at least.